Birthday Parties (and that whole "gift" thing)

So, as you've noticed, we have three kids. Kids have birthdays. Kids with birthdays have parties.

Similarly, kids have friends. With birthdays. And parties.

This is where the breakdown occurs.

The law of exponential multiplication (or whatever it's called; give me a break - I was a Political Science major!) suggests that one family with three children will attend somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,234.5 birthday parties per year. This can be challenging to the ole budget, can it not?

It's bad enough to be the monthly / weekly giver of gifts. What with gas prices these days, a $15 gift now costs $26.47 plus the value of your time ("priceless", to quote Mastercard).

But woe-betide the parents who actually gave birth to the celebrant. Bouncy Castles, visiting clowns, fire trucks, fly-overs by the Blue Angels?! Is there no limit to the imaginations (and therefore expectations) given to planning a childs birthday party these days?

Before we moved to the North Georgia Mountains two years ago, we lived in a very "desirable" suburb of Birmingham AL. (and to all of my readers outside of Alabama, no, that is NOT an oxymoron!) It was your typical affluent close-in suburban neighborhood filled with wonderful boutiques, lots of restaurants, great churches and fertile couples. Close to downtown; tree-lined streets; small post-WWII bungalows (regularly being torn down and replaced by "Arts & Crafts" style mansions) (yes, that should be an oxymoron). Kids were everywhere. It was everything we ever wanted in a place to live. We spent 10 months in hell renovating and adding on to our "bungalow". We were going to live there forever.

Until we decided to move. But that's a post for another day.

AAAAANYWAY, one of the downsides of living there was the increasingly high expectations of the Pre-K and Elementary age social scene. A few crepe-paper streamers and a birthday cake did NOT a birthday party make. Did Cinderella come visit and sing for the birthday girl? Was the entire local "bounce house" not rented out to entertain 14 five-year-olds? Forget the pony ride. Where is the llama and the camel? Every year, it got worse. Before long, 10th birthdays were going to be celebrated with cruises on the Queen Mary.

That is one of the many reasons we love our new home. Aside from the mountain views and general sense of being "away from it all", we are fortunate to be part of a fairly tightly-knit group of young families. This may be more a result of desperation than anything else, since there aren't that many "young families" that live in this neck of the woods. We'd love more; please call if you're interested in moving. This tight group includes a larger-than-normal percentage of homeschoolers (probably 15-20% of the total school-age population), plus a broad mix of public- and private-schoolers. And we all get along very nicely on most days!

One of the cool "trends" of late involves birthday presents. ("Thank goodness", you scream inwardly, "he finally gets back to his original subject!!!"). While not 100%, a common clause on many birthday invitations of late includes a statement similar to this:

Ella Grace is thrilled that you're going to be coming

to her party. Since she has already been blessed with

so many toys, Ella Grace would just love it if you would

bring a donation of XXX instead for us to take

to the local XXX.

OK, the phrasing isn't usually that colloquial, but the premise stands. Kids around here, instead of getting more toys, games, and (forgive me for coming right out and saying it) junk for themselves, are getting toys (for Toys for Tots), canned goods (for the local food pantry), or cases of paper towels and toilet paper (for the Ronald McDonald House). It's awesome. You don't have to try to figure out what Ella Grace would just LOOOOOVE to have. You don't have to sacrifice your friendship with Tripp's parents (Josiah Edward Smythe-Jones III) because you bought a gift that makes LOUD music at the slightest touch and has no on/off switch. And, best of all, you don't end up with a house full of "STUFF" after your own kids party.

• Codicil #1: parents and grandparents are exempt from the gift-giving rule. The kid still gets fun stuff for their birthday. (do you think I'm really going to tell my MIL she can't give Belle / Tink / The Boy presents?)
• Codicil2: this rule isn't typically kicking in until about age 5 or 6. Older if you're the eldest child; younger if you're 2nd or 3rd (or good heavens 4th or 5th), since you've already seen this graciousness modeled by your esteemed elder sibling.

Belle did this for her 7th birthday. We have some wonderful pictures of her delivering a huge bucket full of canned goods to the local food pantry just before Thanksgiving. Not only did she learn the joy of giving, she also learned the whole concept that there are children in this world who are less fortunate than she. That's a deep lesson for a 7-year old, but much more easily learned when the lesson is concrete, not abstract. Oh, and she never even noticed the influx (or lack thereof) of new toys after the event was over.

If this sparks a new idea for your family, please leave a comment and let me know.

If your family is already doing this (or something even cooler), ditto.

I open the floor for discussion. . .