Birthday Parties (and that whole "gift" thing)

So, as you've noticed, we have three kids. Kids have birthdays. Kids with birthdays have parties.

Similarly, kids have friends. With birthdays. And parties.

This is where the breakdown occurs.

The law of exponential multiplication (or whatever it's called; give me a break - I was a Political Science major!) suggests that one family with three children will attend somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,234.5 birthday parties per year. This can be challenging to the ole budget, can it not?

It's bad enough to be the monthly / weekly giver of gifts. What with gas prices these days, a $15 gift now costs $26.47 plus the value of your time ("priceless", to quote Mastercard).

But woe-betide the parents who actually gave birth to the celebrant. Bouncy Castles, visiting clowns, fire trucks, fly-overs by the Blue Angels?! Is there no limit to the imaginations (and therefore expectations) given to planning a childs birthday party these days?

Before we moved to the North Georgia Mountains two years ago, we lived in a very "desirable" suburb of Birmingham AL. (and to all of my readers outside of Alabama, no, that is NOT an oxymoron!) It was your typical affluent close-in suburban neighborhood filled with wonderful boutiques, lots of restaurants, great churches and fertile couples. Close to downtown; tree-lined streets; small post-WWII bungalows (regularly being torn down and replaced by "Arts & Crafts" style mansions) (yes, that should be an oxymoron). Kids were everywhere. It was everything we ever wanted in a place to live. We spent 10 months in hell renovating and adding on to our "bungalow". We were going to live there forever.

Until we decided to move. But that's a post for another day.

AAAAANYWAY, one of the downsides of living there was the increasingly high expectations of the Pre-K and Elementary age social scene. A few crepe-paper streamers and a birthday cake did NOT a birthday party make. Did Cinderella come visit and sing for the birthday girl? Was the entire local "bounce house" not rented out to entertain 14 five-year-olds? Forget the pony ride. Where is the llama and the camel? Every year, it got worse. Before long, 10th birthdays were going to be celebrated with cruises on the Queen Mary.

That is one of the many reasons we love our new home. Aside from the mountain views and general sense of being "away from it all", we are fortunate to be part of a fairly tightly-knit group of young families. This may be more a result of desperation than anything else, since there aren't that many "young families" that live in this neck of the woods. We'd love more; please call if you're interested in moving. This tight group includes a larger-than-normal percentage of homeschoolers (probably 15-20% of the total school-age population), plus a broad mix of public- and private-schoolers. And we all get along very nicely on most days!

One of the cool "trends" of late involves birthday presents. ("Thank goodness", you scream inwardly, "he finally gets back to his original subject!!!"). While not 100%, a common clause on many birthday invitations of late includes a statement similar to this:

Ella Grace is thrilled that you're going to be coming

to her party. Since she has already been blessed with

so many toys, Ella Grace would just love it if you would

bring a donation of XXX instead for us to take

to the local XXX.

OK, the phrasing isn't usually that colloquial, but the premise stands. Kids around here, instead of getting more toys, games, and (forgive me for coming right out and saying it) junk for themselves, are getting toys (for Toys for Tots), canned goods (for the local food pantry), or cases of paper towels and toilet paper (for the Ronald McDonald House). It's awesome. You don't have to try to figure out what Ella Grace would just LOOOOOVE to have. You don't have to sacrifice your friendship with Tripp's parents (Josiah Edward Smythe-Jones III) because you bought a gift that makes LOUD music at the slightest touch and has no on/off switch. And, best of all, you don't end up with a house full of "STUFF" after your own kids party.

• Codicil #1: parents and grandparents are exempt from the gift-giving rule. The kid still gets fun stuff for their birthday. (do you think I'm really going to tell my MIL she can't give Belle / Tink / The Boy presents?)
• Codicil2: this rule isn't typically kicking in until about age 5 or 6. Older if you're the eldest child; younger if you're 2nd or 3rd (or good heavens 4th or 5th), since you've already seen this graciousness modeled by your esteemed elder sibling.

Belle did this for her 7th birthday. We have some wonderful pictures of her delivering a huge bucket full of canned goods to the local food pantry just before Thanksgiving. Not only did she learn the joy of giving, she also learned the whole concept that there are children in this world who are less fortunate than she. That's a deep lesson for a 7-year old, but much more easily learned when the lesson is concrete, not abstract. Oh, and she never even noticed the influx (or lack thereof) of new toys after the event was over.

If this sparks a new idea for your family, please leave a comment and let me know.

If your family is already doing this (or something even cooler), ditto.

I open the floor for discussion. . .

Warning! Blogging could be hazardous to your health. . .

Or, so says the New York Times .

Just a guess here, but I doubt that my 72 blog entries over 14 months, generating about 1500 hits, are going to cause anyone a myocardial infarction, least of all me.

Regardless, I'm going to log off and go lie down for a few minutes just to be safe.

Ah, the glamorous life of the business traveler

So, after a long stretch of no travel, I'm back on the road again. Atlanta to Kansas City to Washington DC, then finally home tonight. I have to admit that I do often lead somewhat of a charmed life when I travel. Delta Crown Room, periodic upgrades to First Class, high-end hotels with a room on the concierge level, and great food. Of course, those trips are regularly balanced by those with long security lines, middle seats in row 28, no-name hotels with sirens echoing through the concrete canyons outside the windows, and Taco Bell.

I did have a chance to go out to dinner with my niece while in DC. It's hard to believe that she, the oldest of my 9 nieces and nephews, is old enough to have a career and her own apartment in the big city. We had a blast visiting. We caught up on her job and mine, her parents, my wife and kids, my parents / her grandparents, etc. It was fun, yet odd, to converse with her as an adult, rather than a kid or even a teenager.

No travel next week, but then it's two weeks of long travel. Boston, New Orleans, and Dallas. That round includes a conference over a weekend (where I'm actually speaking!). But, then it's vacation time!!!

Hopefully, you weren't here looking for immense humor or profundity. You'll not be finding it. Maybe next week!

By the way, Tinkerbelle is recovering nicely after her bout with pneumonia. We're looking forward to a nice, calm weekend.

So how did you spend your Friday night?

I know, some of you put the kids to bed early and snuggled on the sofa (just the two of you!) watching the latest DVD from Netflix while sipping a nice glass of wine.

Others of you actually sprung for a baby-sitter and went out. To a restaurant. With menus. And waiters. Linen tablecloths. You shared an appetizer, she ordered the fresh Chilean Sea Bass, you ordered the Beef Tenderloin. You even lingered over coffee and dessert before heading home to your home (spotless) and children (clean and sleeping snugly in their beds). Your babysitter raved about how polite your children are and how nicely they play together. She (or he) begged you to call again. Their youth group is going on a Spring Beach Trip and they really need to make some extra money.

Let's just pause there for a moment and enjoy that mental image for a while.

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Now, let me tell you what we did instead of either of those tempting scenarios.

OK, there was one part of Scenario Two that actually happened. There was a baby-sitter involved. However, she (my MIL) was only there to take care of Belle and The Boy. Tink was with me and my wife.

In the Emergency Room.
At Children's Hospital.
In Atlanta.
For EIGHT hours.

In case you were wondering, they don't have linen tablecloths, dessert, wine, or Chilean Sea Bass at Childrens Hospital. However, they do have wonderful nurses and doctors who, once you actually get to a room and can see them, take great care of a very sad, very sick Tink.

Background: almost 3 years ago, Belle (then age 5 1/2) complained of a really bad stomach-ache. I was traveling (surprise!). A late-night trip to the Emergency Room (this time in Birmingham, where we then lived) revealed no major illnesses. Two days later, a trip to our Pediatrician led to an immediate trip to a pediatric surgeon who quickly determined that Belle had had a severe case of appendicitis and that the appendix in question had already ruptured. After one week in the hospital on a very powerful antibiotic cocktail, followed by 6 weeks of continued antibiotics administered at home via a "pic-line", Belle finally had surgury to remove the ruptured appendix. Eight weeks and I can't remember how many thousands of dollars later, Belle was back to normal.

Needless to say, we are now a little sensitive to stomach-aches at our house.

My wife took Tink and The Boy to our pediatrician here in GA on Friday morning. Both had been coughing pretty badly for a week and, with a weekend trip back to Birmingham to visit friends planned, we needed to make sure they weren't contagious with anything. Oh, and that morning, just before the trip, Tink complained of a severe stomach-ache. It hurt to walk, hurt to move. Tears were plentiful. Turns out Tink had bronchitis and an ear infection. The Boy is showing signs of pretty severe athsma and also had an ear infection. Tinks tummy-ache had slightly abated by then, but the Doctor said to watch it and head to the ER if it got worse.

Fast forward to 5:00 pm. I'm waiting for Belle and The Boy (who is feeling fine by now) to finish their first tennis clinic of the season. My cell rings; it's my wife. "Take Belle and TB to my moms and come home. We're taking Tink to Children's." Consider it done. After 15 years of marriage and 8 years of parenthood, I don't question my wife's intuition. It's accuracy is scary.

By 7:00, we're sitting in the waiting room and, well, waiting. Tink is feeling much better now, but we're not sure if that's just the Motrin talking or what. By 8:30 or 9, she's really much better. Should we just bail and go home? Are we just being hyper-cautious because of Belle?

I can't remember what time we got back to an actual examination room. We told the whole story again (are they checking to see if we remember why we're here?) to the nurse. At this point, we're convinced that we were being absurdly cautious and are wasting time and money. After another hour or so, we saw a doctor. He felt otherwise. Option 1: the bronchitis could have turned into pneumonia, which can cause severe abdominal pain (particularly in children). Option 2: she really could have appendicitis. Worse yet, her sudden "recovery" from the pain could have been caused by the appendix rupturing. Apparently, the pain is worst before it ruptures and, once it does, you feel much better. (until, of course, all of the poison starts to make you feel REALLY bad). Let's do some blood work to make sure.

Nurse Wendy comes back (and boy, was she fabulous to us all night). She takes blood for tests and puts Tink on some fluids (she had barely eaten anything all day and hadn't drunk very much either). It should take 45 minutes or an hour to get the results back.

15 minutes later, the doctor returns. Tinks white blood cell count is through the roof. (for you novices out there, that means "Oh crap!") Time for chest x-rays and a CAT scan.

By now it's after midnight. We're watching "Brother Bear 2" for the second time in the room. Tink is behaving like the trooper that she is. No complaints. She just lies there, watching and listening.

We finally get to the X-Ray room and move next door to the CAT Scan machine. Tink thought it was like a ride at Disney (thanks mostly to the brilliance of my wife, who suggested exactly that). She didn't even want to hold hands with anyone while they were sliding her in and out (and in and out).

After all of this, we find out that it is Option 1 (pneumonia), not Option 2 (ruptured appendix). I never thought I would be so excited to learn that my child had pneumonia.

We were finally discharged around 3:00 am and got home a little after 4:00. None of us left the house today. We're exhausted, but so grateful that our little one is OK.

God's blessings come in very strange packages sometimes. Maybe next Friday we'll just snuggle on the sofa and watch a DVD.

Resurrection Eggs source

In my most recent post, I mentioned including Resurrection Eggs as part of our Easter tradition. They can be found here, via the Family Life website (a service of Campus Crusade for Christ).

Have a great day!

First and foremost. . .

Happy Easter to all. It was a wonderful Resurrection Sunday here on the mountain. A few takeaways include:

Pt 1: Kicking off the morning: We have a family tradition of hiding (OK, strewing) Easter eggs about the living room for the kids to "find" when they are all up on Easter morning. Many are your garden variety plastic eggs filled with candy (primarily the kind the parents like too so that we can poach unashamedly afterwards). Some are hard-boiled and dyed the night before by all of us. This year included 18 such eggs, some of which were blue with smiley faces, some were plaid, one looked just like a dinosaur egg. They were magnificent. We hide the candy eggs on Saturday night after the kids are asleep; the "real" eggs spend the night in the fridge and are added on Sunday morning.

Much like we do at Christmas with Santa Claus, my wife and I work very hard to make sure that our kids know that Easter is not just about treat-filled baskets and candy-filled eggs. Thus, in addition to candy eggs (total: 94) and real eggs (total: 18), we have 12 "resurrection eggs". We bought these before Easter last year and the are a GREAT addition to the tradition. (ooh, a rhyme!) These particular eggs, which look just like the plastic eggs filled with candy, have inside something representative of the Easter story. It was so great to watch the kids open them this morning and shout "praying hands, like Jesus in the garden", or "a cup, like what Jesus used at the last supper". (OK, she actually said "last dinner", but we got the point). Other eggs contain a spear, a crown of thorns, a cross made of nails, a white linen cloth, a whip, a rock (to seal the tomb), and others that I'm not thinking of at 11:30 at night. Most importantly, one egg is completely empty, just like the tomb. Belle found that one and recognized the significance of it immediately. Isn't it great when they know their lines?! I can't remember where we found these; I'll see if I can find the source and post it in a later entry. All I know is that it was a real blessing to watch all three kids remember why the eggs were there and what their contents meant.

Logistical note: Belle woke up with the sun and entertained herself until I got up (bless her!). I dragged myself out of bed about 8:30 to start the coffee pot (VITAL). The Boy got up shortly after I did. He and Belle waited "patiently", as they knew no-one was allowed to start collecting eggs until everyone was up. I took coffee to my wife in an effort to bribe her out of bed. Then, and only then, did I head downstairs to coax Tinkerbell out of bed. She and her mother are of the same cloth; they would both sleep until 10 every day if they could. This all works pretty well during the week when there are no am deadlines (thank GOODNESS we homeschool). On Easter Sunday Morning, when you have to hunt eggs / eat breakfast /parents have to shower-shave-etc / get dressed in all new clothes (where are Belles new shoes - do we have a slip for Tink - uh-oh The Boys pants are a little long) / "WE NEED TO LEAVE FOR CHURCH!!!!!", it can get a little stressful. I'll omit the gory details, but trust me when I say, it could have gone better.

Pt 2: The Hunt: After church and lunch (including interestingly colored egg salad, of course), we headed to our community Easter Egg Hunt. Tim blogged on theirs yesterday; ours is similarly structured. Remember a few things: 1) while we live in a somewhat remote part of the state, it's a gated community popular with retirees. 2) those retirees like to have their grandchildren come visit for holidays. 3) those retirees LOVE to show off their grandchildren (wearing their Easter best) to all of their friends at a community gathering. "Zoo" doesn't begin to describe the event. In addition to the actual hunt (which started at precisely 3:00 and was largely over by 3:03), you can pet the animals in the petting zoo (including a camel, llama, cow, donkey, goat, sheep, duck, chicken, rabbit, and probably others that I couldn't see through the crowd) and get your picture taken with the Easter Bunny. Actually, we had a lot of fun. One of our friends (also a homeschool parent with whom we'd like to spend more time but it just hasn't worked out yet) shared a precious story about Tinkerbell (our 6 year old) that obviously I must share here. Our friends daughter (age 5) was somewhat overwhelmed by the crowds during the Easter Egg Round-up and ended up with a completely empty basket. She doesn't know Tink that well but, being the only girl in a family of 4 boys, she tends to remember every girl she meets. When she saw me and The Boy just after the Hunt, she turned to her mom and said "I want to go find Tinkerbell". So, they did. They sought out and found Tink over near the Easter Bunny. Tink looked into the little girls basked, saw that it was empty, and without saying a word started moving some her eggs from her basket to the friends. Neither I or my wife saw this, so our friend found us to share the story. She was so touched. We were so proud!

Pt 3: Dinner: After the egg round-up, we returned home for some desperately needed rest. Belle was allowed to stay up and visit WebkinzWorld (after she did her phonics first). The younger two were sent to their rooms with strict instructions to "put their heads on their pillows and rest". We parents actually sat down in the living room and visited for a few minutes, then did some chores until it was time to leave for dinner with the grandparents. Background: my wife's parents live in our community as well - maybe 8 minutes away. We had a wonderful Easter Dinner with them. The kids love visiting Mimi and Papa. We had a lovely dinner (that neither of us had to cook!). We even got to bring home some leftovers. All in all, it was a great end to a great day.

I hope that all of you had an equally blessed day.

"Christ the Lord is risen today, alleluia!"

Pomp and Circumstance. . .

I am pleased to announce that, after much hard work and effort, the reading level of this humble blog has progressed from "High School" level to "Post Grad" level. (see the icon, bottom right-hand side of the blog)

I'm now successfully channeling William F Buckley, Jr!!

(I also have serious doubts about the methodology of this tool)