Tuesday's in our life promise to be interesting for the next 9 months. DD1 (age 7.75) has piano, followed by "Atlanta Young Singers at Callanwolde" practice. Time range: 2:30 for piano (in Jasper GA); 4:45 for Young Singers (in downtown Atlanta). Return time to home - 8:00 or later. When I'm traveling, the younger 2 (DD2- age 6; "the boy", age 4) will go along.
The exciting days are when I'm not traveling! Then, DD2 and the boy will remain with me at home and we'll forge onward. All I have to do is pick the boy up from "mothers morning out" (when will they fix that name?), get everyone down for "resting/ reading time", tread water from then until dinner, fix dinner, eat dinner, clean up from dinner, maybe do a load of laundry, clean the kitchen, and get ready for bed. Oh, and by the way, WORK during that time.
Yesterday was my first experience with the above. Oh, it was sooooooo smooth.
DW left with D1 about the time I left (along with DD2) to pick up "the boy" from MMO (round trip distance - 1.5 miles; round trip time elapsed - 37 minutes; don't ask). We returned to an empty house and both offspring were banished / allowed to return to their rooms for reading / resting time. Books galore. I returned to my office and was amazingly productive for at least 75 minutes. Then, I accidentally walked down the hall en route to the kitchen for water. DD2 intercepted me and announced that she was "done" with reading time. Ergo - bathtime ensued. By the time she finished, the boy was up and cheerful. Reverting to the gut reaction that all fathers have, I planted them both in front of the TV watching a loooooooong video. In my defense, I actually got some work done during that video and prolonged the inward flow of finances into the family coffers for the foreseeable future.
Eventually, the video ended and paid work had to end also. Then, the real work began. In no time flat, I had:
- the boy in the bathtub
- DD2 writing thank-you notes for her birthday presents
- dinner on the stove
- a load of laundry in the machine (and another already in the dryer)
- was unloading the dishwasher, AND
- was thinking "don't get cocky dude, the other shoe is going to drop in no time. It isn't this easy!"
The shoe indeed did drop, albeit very slowly. The evening languished. DW and DD1 did not appear. Instead, I had to actually eat dinner, clean up from dinner, sit down and finish "thank-you notes" with DD2 and the boy, get both into jammies, take relevant medicines, brush teeth, and clean up toys. Any thoughts of "chapter book reading" were banished during dinner. All I could envision was the glass of wine waiting for me upstairs.
The amazing thing is, if my wife had done all of this, no-one would have had a second thought. But when I verbalized the above narrative to a friend, she (note the gender) was stunned. Wow! A man did all of that!? All I have to do is show up and have their hair neatly brushed and I've immediately exceeded all expectations that most people have. Meanwhile, if DW allows my daughters to appear in public in anything less than magazine-quality couture, she has failed in many eyes.
At some point, however, I start to get offended. When "the boy" was still in-utero, DW was on bedrest for 6 weeks (his wasn't an easy pregnancy). For 6 weeks, I admittedly had tremendous help from Mon - Fri from my mother-in-law. From Fri pm - Sun pm, it was all me. On Sunday mornings (for 6+ weeks straight) I managed to get both girls up, fed, dressed, brushed, bowed, shoed, and off to Sunday School only to be greeted in the parking lot by amazed friends (both men and women) who couldn't believe I managed to do all of the above single-handedly. If DW had done all of that while I was out of town (which she does 3 weeks out of the month on week-days), no-one would have even noticed. When I did it once, then twice, then again, they were continuously amazed. Why is it so amazing that a Dad can do that?
Two concluding thoughts:
1) there are a lot of Dad's out there who contribute to that stereotype and they should be ashamed of themselves;
2) this isn't 1970 (or 1950), and public perception of Dad's should catch up with reality!
I'll now step off of my soap box.
Thank you.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Yes, it is possible for men to do all the things necessary to keep a household running. I'm learning that as my wife recuperates.
But man, is it a lot of work. Full disclosure: I'm sitting here at the computer composing a long blog post and writing comments, and I note that the remains of dinner are still on the dining room table and on the stove. And that's after I got a whole lot done today! I got the kids dressed! And I got them to the library! And I took the cat to the vet! And I laid down about 20 feet of stone walkway! And I made dinner! And part of me says, why shouldn't I be able to take it easy? But there are those dishes, staring at me; cold, heartless, and indifferent to my cries....
At least my wife tells me that I'm one of the better ones. :)
I agree that men are fully capable of running a household. It is an issue of practice.
Women tend to be good at it, because they have to do it nearly all the time. They forgot that they had to learn how. Men who do it, learn how and get good at it too.
I think the main culprit is that we are living up to the stereotypes around us. If men are constantly told that they can't do that kind of stuff, they start to believe it (especially if it allows a convenient excuse to do something that they would rather do.) And it gives women a good feeling to think that they are naturally better at something, so it is convenient to believe a lie.
But, you can't convince me that a man's priorities will match a woman's given the same household to run. They will do it differently. That being said, the one not currently in charge needs to be a little flexible.
Post a Comment